my dog ate my homework

no really......she did......as i sat here, at this very computer....printing out a new sheet of references for my mind-numbing project that is due tomorrow....my six-pound wonder-dog decided that she would retaliate on the thing that possesses the majority of my time......my homework.....she dug in to the stack of notes that had piled on the floor next to my chair......i couldn't see her face but i could hear the shred-shred-shredding of the strips of paper as she filleted them.....
"ZOE!!!"
she looked up and her beard betrayed her....it was full of torn scraps of paper.....
i can never stay mad at her for long......she's way too ridiculous (but don't ever tell her i said so)
my biggest regret is that i did not have a camera ready....i tried to go get one.... but by the time i returned, she had shaken the evidence from her fur-lined face.....(she's so sneaky)
all in all....it's good to have little moments to enjoy and giggle over......there have been far too many tears shed in the last month........and my eyes don't squeeze 'em out easy.......what would i do without my little rascals?

when will it end?

I feel like i'm gonna puke.....a lump has risen in my throat so big that i think i might have swallowed my tongue......can anyone call 911?.....no.....don't bother.... it's too late..... too late..... again......
i was just sitting here....writing another paper....emersed in more inconsequential BS.... another hoop i have to jump to get that piece of paper that will let me practice my chosen profession........ i was just sitting here..... in front of this terminal........ minding my own business.....and BAM......the news:
another one bites the dust.....another piece of my tapestry of people frayed away to nothing but a memory.......
tears and tears and tears and tears.......
actually, i am surprised at my reaction.... i think this is the first time i have spontaneously cried......in this type of situation, that is.......maybe i'm getting better at it......i guess i've had enough practice........
maybe this is healthy.....but definitely not productive........
admittedly, this is BAD timing....better than if it had happened last week.... but still bad......and my brain is locked.....and my stomach is sick...... and i feel guilty

goodnight mary
may you rejoice in health and dance your way into heaven

spanked!

so today i learned some important and yet disturbing information

there is an actual definition regarding allowable spanking (for children, people) and whatever crosses the line MUST be reported by any citizen promptly or they face a $10, 000 fine and up to 6 months in jail..... (which is more than Lisa "Left-eye" Lopez got for burning down her ex-boyfriend's mansion).......

according to the ministry of children and families, spanking can occur through clothing for the purpose of education......any other purposes are disallowed....... did you know about this?....admittedly, i didn't realize ANY spanking of children was allowable but i also didn't realize my legal obligation as a citizen to report........thankfully i haven't witnessed any child spanking since the 1980's (when such behaviour was perfectly acceptable).....or i may have been blogging from the clink.........

stick talk

So....I was listening to the radio this morning and overheard a dispute about a very important monument.....someone had discussed the home of the world's largest hockey stick: duncan, bc.....someone else had called in to dispute the claim because the town of eleveth in minnesota also claimed to have the world's largest hockey stick.

How did they rectify this pressing issue? The radio personality phoned city hall in eleveth.....a representative agreed to discuss this politically charged issue LIVE!

Let's look at the facts:

Exhibit A:
"The Cowichan Community Centre, in Duncan on Vancouver Island in British Columbia, boasts the largest hockey stick and puck in the world. Built in 1985, the 205-foot hockey stick is built from Douglas Fir wooden beams reinforced with steel, and weighs in at a staggering 61,000 pounds (28,118 kgs). The World's Largest Hockey Stick & Puck was originally commissioned by the Government of Canada as part of the Expo '86 World's Fair Exposition in Vancouver."

Exhibit B:
"World's Largest Hockey StickMeasuring 107 feet and weighing over three tons, this Christian Brothers hockey stick is complete with a giant rubber puck. Located in downtown Eveleth on Main Street - Grant Avenue... The stick was renovated and was completed in the summer of 2002."


The representative from eleveth city hall, in response to the falseness of their claim of having the world's largest hockey stick stated "we believe we have the world's largest hockey stick in america"......the world's largest hockey stick in america? then the radio personality asked the simple question: which is larger, 205 or 107? the city hall rep would not respond....finally she said tentatively: "1.....0......7........." to which the radio gal stated "is the smaller....yes......107 is smaller than 205"..........

this all seems so ridiculous to me......who cares? if you want to have a weird tourist-attracting monument.....then make it bigger than the others that already exist (it was finished in 2002 versus the duncan one that was built in 1985) or name it correctly (like "america's largest hockey stick").......wouldn't that be a lot easier than trying to explain how 107 is bigger than 205.......

en francais.....

so I found my blog in french (don't worry people I'm at work....therefore NOT procrastinating from doing the unrealistically ridiculous amount of homework I need to finish in the immediate future........ok, maybe just a little) and it taught me many interesting things....... such as Shelley in french is Xeres.......and here I thought that, even in french, it would be something like......I don't know .......Shelley!..... you know, being a name and all..........

well, i would like to start a movement.....who agrees to only refer to shelley in french? (and Xeres was born)

you're "it"!

so apparently I've been tagged....TWICE!.....but I found this out in french........so here goes:

QUATRE EMPLOIS j'ont EU
1. dungeon master (aka underage file clerk)
2. the mountain
3. mental health worker
4. emergency undergrad nurse

QUATRE FILMS/EXPOSITIONS j'ont ÉTÉ ADONNÉS :
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Party of Five
3. Lost
4. Dead Like Me

QUATRE PLACES j'ont VÉCU (if I keep it Canadian are):
1. Burnaby
2. Montreal
3. Charlevoix
4. Kitsilano

QUATRE PAYS QUE JE VOUDRAIS VISITER (où je n'ai pas été) :
1. Turkey
2. Greece
3. Brazil
4. Japan
(and pretty much everywhere else as well......)

QUATRE SUPPOSITIONS FAUSSES POPULAIRES DE MOI :
1. I'm all fun and games
2. My hair is naturally black and blonde
3. I have no siblings
4. I'm a party person

QUATRE PERSONNES JE RESSEMBLENT (selon quelques personnes) :
1. Bjork (one of the best compliments of all time.....although so full of shit)
2. Grandma Christie
3. Flower (from Bambi)
4. my friend's hairdresser Zoe, although I have never met her to corroborate

QUATRE CHOSES (J'ESPÈRE) FAIRE AVANT QUE JE NE MEURE :
1. Graduate from nursing school
2. work in underprivileged communities setting up sustainable health care
3. fulfill my purpose
4. witness Jo's rise to stardom

LES GENS I ÉTIQUETTE ENSUITE :
1. Chris D.
2. Rachael
3. Leigh
4. YOU