when will it end?

I feel like i'm gonna puke.....a lump has risen in my throat so big that i think i might have swallowed my tongue......can anyone call 911?.....no.....don't bother.... it's too late..... too late..... again......
i was just sitting here....writing another paper....emersed in more inconsequential BS.... another hoop i have to jump to get that piece of paper that will let me practice my chosen profession........ i was just sitting here..... in front of this terminal........ minding my own business.....and BAM......the news:
another one bites the dust.....another piece of my tapestry of people frayed away to nothing but a memory.......
tears and tears and tears and tears.......
actually, i am surprised at my reaction.... i think this is the first time i have spontaneously cried......in this type of situation, that is.......maybe i'm getting better at it......i guess i've had enough practice........
maybe this is healthy.....but definitely not productive........
admittedly, this is BAD timing....better than if it had happened last week.... but still bad......and my brain is locked.....and my stomach is sick...... and i feel guilty

goodnight mary
may you rejoice in health and dance your way into heaven