(woohoo! another paper done.....tick that box off.......)
so this morning, on my way to church, i was pondering my "quality of friends" issue.....this is something that has plagued me for the last while whilst i have been dealing with my own little hell of death and disappointment.....but this morning i had an epiphany:
maybe people just don't know how to be friends to each other.....maybe they're afraid....maybe this world of psychotherapists has made ordinary people feel inadequate to support their peers in times of need.....maybe this is why people are afraid of anything that is unsuperficial and potentially negative and emotional....perhaps that is why people must pay people to lend an ear....
now, don't get me wrong....i think there is a very valid place in our social context for counselling.....but on the other hand, one should be able to vent their frustrations and find support in their so-called friends........i've been starting to fear that the ties i cut years ago "in my best interests" in fact cut me from the last few people who knew how to stand by me in thick and thin........it was hard to realize that, although i thought myself in a much better place socially than ever before, that this was a falsehood disguised by a few years of relative good times........
well, this was passing through my head on my morning's half hour drive and i was thinking of blogging it here......then the sermon happened......rod wilson spoke and started by describing this very phenomenon......it was bizarre to have my thoughts (that i had not yet shared with anyone) regurgitated to me from the pulpit........people are afraid to be friends........
well, suck it up people! sometimes all someone needs is to be heard, to vent, to emote and get perspective.......on their terms................
go on.......be a friend
Sunday, May 28, 2006
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4 comments:
this is totally true! I've noticed that the second some rough times come your way and you're not the cheeriest person, people never want to be around you -- well, not YOU -- but people.
for this reason I think you need to start the 'Don't End a Friend' group -- people who strive to be the best friends possible!
It's true.
I think even good friends will screw up, they're fallible, they're oblivious a lot of the time, but the best of friends are the ones who are willing to keep trying, the ones who aren't willing to give up on a frienship simply because it gets awkward or isn't a party all the time. The true friends are the ones who you may not get to see as much as you like, or hardly at all even but they keep coming back, and the time spent together is always quality no matter the circumstances. Sometimes history plays a big role in that, old friends can be some of the best, but I don't think it's necessary. It's far to easy to get wrapped up in ourselves these days, when the times are good or bad. And it is really demoralizing when you find out the community you think you're in does not exist in the way you wish it did. My reaction to this in the past has been to deny it for as long as possible, or withdraw into myself and pretend I am perfectly fine without it, but I realize now that this is not the case. The flaws exist and I need the flawed community, imperfect as it is. And if I want things to change all I can do is start with myself. So I like Steve's idea...can we have t-shirts? Maybe a super cool dance routine?
No? oh...ok.
steve......you get starter on the t-shirts and i'll start working on the choreography.....
katy....when can we start rehearsals?
friends are rad...seriously.
i was blown away this year by the depth of gut-wrench that hit me when stripped of all my friends (ie moving to lethbridge), and then by the depth of love and acceptance i found in new friends, and again by the wonderful comfort and disarming challenge of coming home to friends who are such a part of me that it's hard to separate me from them.
seriously...friends are rad.
and ...
"storms form"
- thea.
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