getting perspective

(friday april 20....1145am.....overlooking the adriatic sea.....waiting for my capuccino....cafe......dubrovnik, croatia)

i changed all my plans to stay an extra day in order to go kayaking......i can't afford it but then again i can't afford this trip.......it means no Plitvice Lakes, no Sarajevo, and probably a short Zadar.....talking to some kids last night, i almost wish that i hadn't booked that flight and would have spent the rest of my trip in Bosnia and Serbia....but no.....

back to the point:kayaking.......so the day before yesterday i started inquiring and it was unavailable yesterday and when i went to the tourist office to ensure it was happening today, they told me again "maybe tomorrow" because "it was FULL for today".......what?!.....well, in typical me-of-late fashion, the emotion got the better of me....i was trying to stay composed and simply state that i had changed my plans for this and yada yada yada........but as teh words emerged they started to warble......and the dams went up and the tearssqueezed out through the cracks.....it wasn't a full-blown cry but it was an obvious-enough struggle to be embarrassing......especially when you consider what the people of dubrovnik have been through: attacked by air, land and sea.....less than 15 years ago.....and i'm crying because i can't go kayaking!...now i know that this isn't a normal reaction for me....i know taht there's more going on under the surface.....i know that i'm slowly dealing with some unresolved stuff.....but the woman standing before me does not know this.....she sees a foreigner brought to tears by the prospect of not kayaking.......again, embarassing......